


Those words of eternal damnation

by everything_that_is_the_case



Category: History Boys - All Media Types
Genre: Multi, Parental Abuse, Referenced Fighting, Some kissing, Soulmate AU, Wedding, canon character death, lockwood's funeral, parental homophobia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-05
Updated: 2019-02-10
Packaged: 2019-10-22 22:35:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 8,645
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17671382
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/everything_that_is_the_case/pseuds/everything_that_is_the_case
Summary: Donald Scripps hits some problems on his 18th birthday, when his soulmates name appears on his arm for the first time.





	1. What's in a name?

**Author's Note:**

> So, this is my first fan fic. I hope it's ok, I know the History Boys isn't exactly a 'current' pop culture thing (though god knows why). I'm really mean to Scripps, but I promise it'll work out fine.

Donald Scripps wakes up to a sharp burning senstaion running across his lower shoulder. He reaches over and feels the raised scars running across his arm, leaving a pinkish tinge outlining the pure black ink. He takes a closer look at the name scrawled across his arm. 

Shit. Shit. Shit.

This couldn't happen. Today was meant to be special, almost ceremonious. It definitely wasn't meant to start out like this. His mum was going to kill him. God knows what his mum would do. He got up, unsteady on his own feet, and pulled on his crumpled school shirt. He was grateful for the smooth, cold material slinking across his body as it covered the incriminating words.

When he got downstairs, his mum was waiting with a stack of pancakes and a huge, beaming smile.  
"Happy Birthday, love!"  
"Thanks Mum."  
His dad gave a customary nod of the head, followed by a sheepishly proud smile. His mum continued to babble.   
"My baby boy, 18!" Her eyes widened in excitement. "Has your name come through yet, Don?"  
Scripps shook his head, unable to look his mother in the eye. Lying. As if he hadn't sinned enough today.  
"Shame. Still, it'll come through at some point today!"  
Scripps managed a weak smile as he forced down the rest of his breakfast, grabbed his bag, and ran.

 

Hector's lesson dragged on as usual. Last period was always the worst, but today it felt like it had continued forever. It hadn't even started yet.  
"I thought!" exclaimed Hector, emphatically waving his book of poems. "That in honour of our birthday boy, we'd do some work on soulmates!"  
The boys let out a collective groan that not even Scripps could suppress. He spends the rest of the lesson daydreaming to the background of heads banging against desks, the thwack of books, and Timms' timely yells.

He stood in front of the mirror at home, carefully running his finger over the letters inked into his skin. His head was still spinning at what they said. The door flew open, and Don yelped in fear.  
"Dad!" he yelled, forgetting to cover his arm in fright.  
"I just wanted to see if your name had come through!" His eyes lit up as he spotted Don's arm.   
"It's here!" he shouted, grabbing his son's arm to pull him close enough to read. Scripps cringed in fear and dread as his dead read the name, his face falling.   
His face twisted into an ugly scowl.

 

"David?" he finally choked "David? That's a lads name. A lad's name!"  
Bile rose in Scripps' throat. Oh God, he thought, please help me now.  
He flinched as the first blow rained down, his eyesight blacking out as he heard his dad's furious yells   
"David? WHO THE BLOODY HELL IS DAVID?"


	2. Now is the age of anxiety

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 2, in which Scripps finds his soulmate, and Posner anxiously awaits his new tattoo.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I got the name from a W.H Auden quote which I find rather apt around my exam seasons! Hope you enjoy this one, it's still not great but I hope I'm getting better!

Scripps thinks he has managed quite well with covering up his bruises. It wasn't that hard, as most of them were around his wrist and arms. Looking into the mirror, he cautiously reached up and touched his split lip, making himself wince in pain. Ah well, he thought, at least Dakin will be pleased that I got into some sort of fight. Saint Scripps indeed!

Scripps turns the doorknob, shoving the jammed door to let himself in to his home. The boys had reacted fairly well to his injuries - minus the general ribbing over what God would think about him getting into a drunken fight. If only God knew how much he had been lying lately, he expected Jesus would be turning in his empty grave. When he got in, his parents were sat solemnly at the dining room table. Scripps gulped down his fear as he entered the kitchen. His father's ominous voice chilled his blood as it rang through the house.  
"Donald? Your mother and I want a word."

Scripps silently made his way into dining room. Tension hung in a thick cloud around the family. His gut filled with guilt as he saw his mother's red-rimmed eyes. He could see the torment that he was causing his parents in their faces. "Donald.." His mother began hesitantly. "We've been doing some research on the well...the incident..."  
Scripps swallowed. "Oh yeah.."  
"Well....it says that sometimes accidents happen with the soulmates. That it can be changed."  
Scripps nodded, still unable to meet his parents eyes.  
"Don...do you think you know who this David is?"  
Of course he did. His heart had leapt when he read the handwriting that he had read so many times before. David Posner. Posner, who's golden hair reflected sunshine until it felt as if it was shining in Scripps' heart. Whose angelic voice echoed in Don's head whenever they were apart. Who could make every vein in Scripps' body flow with love every time he sighed his little sigh or called him 'Scrippsy'.  
Scripps' nodded his head again, unable to speak with the tears that pricked the back of his eyes.  
His mother sighed. "There are places you can go to get help. They laser off the name, and help you to....get the better of yourself until a new, proper one forms. A universal mishap, one might say."  
Scripps whispered in a tiny voice. "What if I don't want to?"  
His father was dumbfounded. "What do you mean you don't want to? Don't you want to be normal?"  
His mother shook her head sorrowfully. "What will they say at church when they find out I raised a ....a....a queer?"  
Her voice shakes with emotion as she spits out the last word, as if it is so dirty she wants it out of her mouth immediately.  
Suddenly, Scripps' heart swelled with anger. "What would they say? What happened to 'God loves everybody'!?" he shouted, pushing his chair back across the room and storming out.

 

 

Meanwhile, David Posner sat in his room, watching excitedly as the black letters swirled across his wrist. He couldn't wait for the moment that his soulmate's name would be formed. All it would take would be a simple tattoo, and Stuart Dakin would love him just as much as he loved Stuart. Every nerve ending in his body tingled. The letters began to stop swirling and floated into position, raising in a charcoal grey till they darkened to pure black.  
David felt his eyes fill with tears. All he wanted was for the letters to change. To say Stuart. But as he stared down at them, seven neat block capitals spelled out the name: Donald.  
Sniffling with held-in emotion, he wrapped his watch strap around the name and walked downstairs, disappointed, to eat his birthday dinner.  
All the while the thoughts swirled in his head. Donald? Like Scripps? Absolutely not. Scripps handwriting was barely legible, a scrawl mass of dips and dots.. This was perfectly neat, forming each word on an exact point. Impossible. He didn't know any other Donald's. He wished he had got something easier, one of the soulmates you knew right away. But this could take years. David Posner. Unlucky in Love.


	3. A man's silence

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Irwin begins to notice something is up

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm uploading again....despite the fact no one seems to like this! Chapter title from the Thomas Hardy quote "A man's silence is wonderful to listen to", but in this chapter I think it's important that Scripps does talk.

"Boring, Boring, Boring, Boring BORING! For God's sake boys, you have exams in a month! Have I taught you nothing?" Irwin ranted, his freckled cheeks flushing with anger. "Take these back. Take them, rewrite them, and give me something that's FUCKING INTERESTING!" The boys groaned collectively, infuriated at the tutor's insistence. "But sir!" complained Lockwood "But sir, we've already done it twice!". Irwin shook his head and perched on the edge of the desk. "I know you have Lockwood. And both times, they have not improved from any essay you have ever given me. I'm an Oxford Dean. This piece is stimulating, exciting and has all the right facts. The problem is, all 70 other essays seemed exciting and stimulating and had all the exact same points that this does. So give me the lies. Tell me that Freud was wrong, or that Stalin was good or that we would've won the war with someone other than Churchill. Because I'm bored now boys. So bloody bored!" These last few words have an almost pleading edge to them. 

After Irwin had finished his horrified outburst, the rest of the lesson dragged on as usual. Scripps knew that he couldn't afford to waste his time dreaming, but today he just couldn't concentrate on what he needed to. His mind was flashing with images of his mother's tear-stained eyes, his father's horrified snarls and the fists and slaps that bounced off his body. All intertwined with the images of David sitting in front of him, and the way he wished he could curl his hands through the little hairs on the back of David's neck. He pushed that thought away. It was wrong, it was bad. The universe was wrong. He wasn't gay. He wasn't. He wasn't like Posner. He didn't have Dakin's guts to have fanciful little flings. He wasn't - and couldn't be gay. He sighed, and sank lower into his seat. Every bone in his body hurt as he did so. Damn it. 

The shrill cry of the bell echoed through the empty hallway. As they filed out of the classroom, laughing and joking, Scripps heard Irwin's voice calling his name. He turned and saw Irwin leaning against his desk, a concerned look across his face. "Scripps, you're looking a little.....worse for wear" he began hesitantly, motioning towards Scripps' fresh new cut lip and his obvious, shining black eye. Scripps stood there, looking at his shoes, nodding silently. "Is everything alright?" The words echo in Scripps ears. Is everything alright? Not with me, it isn't, he thought. "Yeah, sir. It's fine. I just....I got into a bit of a fight. You should've seen the other lad" he added half-jokingly, trying to cover up his eyes prickling with hidden tears. "I'm fine. Honestly, I am." Scripps decided he might as well give up on God by now. He'd sinned enough to make all twelve disciples rise from their holy flipping graves. Irwin nods hesitantly once again, as if he doesn't quite believe what he's hearing. "Ok. If you say so." Scripps turns and leaves, shoulders shaking ever so slightly as he went. He hoped that Irwin wouldn't notice.

'I'm wild again,  
Beguiled again,  
A simpering whimpering child again,  
Bewitched, bothered and bewildered am I......'

Posner's melancholy voice soared through the practice room, holding the last note as it serenaded Scripps' eager ears. He finished the piano accompaniment with a shaky flourish, feeling the music that usually flowed from his fingers halt and die. Posner slid onto the cramped piano stool next to Scripps, edging himself onto the seat until he pressed up against Donald. The accidental touch sent an ecstatic shiver down Don's spine. Posner tilted his head to the side slightly, focusing in on his upset friend with a soulful, confused glance. "Are you ok, Scrippsy?"  
Scrippsy. The name made Scripps' bruised and patched-up heart skip a beat.   
"I'm fine"  
"No you're not." sighed Posner. "My spaniel heart's already been broken. Tell me about yours."  
"My parents..." Scripps choked out, holding back the tears. "They weren't very happy with my name"  
Posner rolled his eyes. "Tell me about it. My Orthodox Jewish parents were absolutely delighted when a boy's name showed up on my wrist."  
His not-so-subtle sarcasm made Don grin for the first time in weeks. "What did they say bout it then?"  
"Not delighted at first..obviously. But then they told me that if that's how God wants me, then that's how God wants me. They might not understand but if their baby is happy, they're happy"  
Scripps groaned. "I wish my parents had been so kind when mine showed up"  
Posner stiffened. "You got a boy?"  
Scripps nodded sadly. "Yup. They want me to go to conversion camp."  
Posner looked at him with strange eyes. "Don....do you write differently than usual on any of your pieces of work?"  
Scripps stared at him then slipped out a copy of his sheet music. "Only on this. I used to do it so my sister knew it was mine. Since she moved out, it's become a force of habit."  
Posner was silent. He unwrapped his watch and proffered his wrist. The writing in neat capital letters matched perfectly. DONALD. Next to it, DONALD SCRIPPS.   
Scripps jumped off the stool and grabbed his bag. He made for the door as David sat there shocked. "Don? Oh my god. Don?". 

Scripps ran.


	4. Friendship is love without it's wings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Posner decides to make the first move.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I swear this one is moderately nice to Scripps, and I will continue to be nice to him...for like three chapters....but not till after the next chapter.......

Scripps was sauntering along when a surprisingly strong hand whipped out of the crumbling painted door by the side of the school, and pulled him inside. "What the hell?" Scripps yelled, until a firm finger was pressed to his lips, and the dim light flickered on overhead. It cast a shadow of light across the room, framing the gentle curve of David Posner's round warm face. "Posner? What are you doin-"  
He was cut off by a small hand wrapping round his neck and a kiss being pressed against his lips. He closed his eyes and savoured the moment of Posner's smooth lips against his own chapped specimens. Posner broke off, grinning wildly, and Scripps opened his eyes, staring at the discarded equipment scattered throughout the shed. "That- That was not the way I imagined that happening." He trailed off. He wiped his lips quickly, rubbing off any trace of the kiss. He stumbled back, fumbling for the door. "I can't.....I can't be doing this, my parents..."  
Posner's face dropped, hurt entering his puppy dog eyes. "Don...please, at least talk to me. This is something we need to talk about,". Scripps shook his head nervously "No, it's a mistake, I'm not like, I'm not.....I'm not like YOU!" The moment he saw David's face, he regretted the words that tumbled out of his mouth.. David fiercely shoved his wrist at him, a furious look entering his eyes. "Tell me that isn't your handwriting, Don,". Scripps shook his head. "I can't. It's my handwriting. But I'm not gay, David. I can't be, my parents will kill me,". David cupped his chin, stroking his finger against a steadily fading scratch emblazoned on Scripps' cheek. "Looks like they tried that already,". Scripps shoved him off, shaking his head furiously. "I'm not gay, Posner,"  
Posner kissed him again and everything around him faded to an afterthought. He never wanted it to end. And when it did, David's hand was still slung around his shoulder, his face inches from Scripps. "Tell me you didn't enjoy that," he added breathlessly. "Just because you only realised when your name came through, doesn't mean it isn't true,". For once, Scripps couldn't argue. He stared into those soulful eyes, the melting brown sucking him in to a wormhole of desire. He softly ran his finger along the curve of Posner's cheekbone, and gave in to what his heart had been begging him to do for months. And the moment he kissed Posner, all his worries melted away.

His fingers are intertwined with Posner's, and one of his fingers is tracing the handwriting that runs around David's wrist. Every moment they lay on the dusty shed floor, their touch seemed to become more natural. The universe could deny them this no longer. They had found their soulmates.

The door swung open and Dakin entered, brandishing a lighter and a cigarette. With a proclaim of 'Shit!', the pair leapt away from each other, dusting themselves off as they stood sheepishly on opposite sides of the room. Dakin stopped in his tracks, his mouth hanging open. "Oh my god! Were you?.."  
"God, no!" Scripps replied, appalled at Dakin's brashness. "No, we were just.."  
"Looking for the football!" David piped up unexpectedly "Scripps tripped on a hockey stick and I was checking he was alright"  
"Uh-huh" nodded Dakin suspiciously. "Ok. Whatever,"   
He waved his hand away in an uninterested fashion. Thirty seconds ago was old news. He lit his cigarette, and turned his head to stare at the two awkward teens. "Right. Grab your football, and piss off!"  
David grabbed the ball and ran, pulling Don behind him. The door slammed shut and Scripps raised his eyes to the heavens, emitting a sigh of relief. David tilted his head and smiled. "That was way too close. Way too close," he laughed. Don looked him in the eyes and wrapped his hands around his thin waist. "Listen," he whispered "My parents both work till 7 on a Thursday night. Do you want to come to mine?"  
His heart swelled like a balloon when David nodded delightedly, and stole yet another secret kiss.


	5. The dream still haunts to-day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which a dream is cruushed

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whispering neighbours, left and right,  
> Pluck us from the real delight;  
> And the active hands must freeze  
> Lonely on the separate knees  
> \- W.H Auden

Scripps tousled Posner's honey blonde hair, his hand finally curling through those fine hairs he had spent lessons dreaming about. Poser's hand tightly grabbed the front of his shirt, pulling him closer. Their lips met, brushing together at first, then forcing themselves onto each other passionately, Scripps biting down ever so slightly on Posner's bottom lip. Scripps pulled away momentarily, to gasp surprisedly that David was 'a lot braver than he had expected'. David shrugged and kissed him again, pushing him down into the mattress. The world was melting away with each touch, all Donald's insecurities gone as he basked in the gory of true love. Scripps rolled over till he was on top of David, gazing at his flushed, serene face. They kissed again, wrapping their arms around each other, showering each other in soft gentle kisses. Every sound faded into the background.....including the slamming of a door, and the stomp of heavy feet marching up a staircase. Scripps felt rough hands pulling back on his shoulders and he broke away shocked. The strength sent him crashing to the ground, jarring his shoulder against his solid wooden wardrobe, causing him to scream out in pain. David let out an involuntary whimper, his face frozen in shock. Scripps waved him away, gritting his teeth. "David, I'm fine,"

The look that marred his father's face instantly revealed the mistakes he'd made in the words he'd uttered. He wheeled around and glared at the paralysed Posner. "So you're this bloody David? This fucking David, that ruined my family?" David threw a terrified glance at Donald, whose face was grey with pain as he clutched his injured shoulder. "Get out," Don's father seethed. "Get out of my house, get out of my life, get out of my son's life, just....JUST GET OUT!". David whimpered again and scurried out of the room, throwing one last lingering look at his soulmate as he left. The noise of the door slamming echoed through the empty house. 

Scripps flinched as his father pulled him up by the collar, and slapped him across the face. "You bastard. You filth. After everything we've done for you, you do this. You shame your family by doing that." Pure hatred dripped off every word. Yet another punch glanced off his jaw, again and again until everything blurred, the pain thundering through his body. He could no longer hear the slurs as his father shouted at him, bruising every inch of his body. Disgusted, he tossed his own son against the bedstead, making him groan as the wood of the bedframe smashed against his battered ribs. "Filthy. Stupid, disgusting foul. You are not my son, do you understand? You dirty, horrible queer." Almost every word was punctuated with a debilitating kick to the ribs. Scripps felt the spray of spit across his face. His eyes were swollen, his lips and nose bled, his arm ached and his ribs screamed in pain. 

The moment Scripps limped into Irwin's classroom, damaged arm swinging limply by his side, Posner turned his head away and choked a sob of anguish. Irwin stared in shock as the class fell silent. He whispered horrified "Write an essay on Kristallnacht. If Felix comes in, I've taken Scripps to the hospital"  
Scripps tried to protest as Irwin's hand grabbed his good hand and pulled him towards the door, but Irwin's thin, bespectacled frame disguised a surprising stubbornness. 

They sat in the car, Scripps clasping his freshly bandaged arm to his chest. "How did that happen?" Irwin asked cautiously, breaking the silence that lingered over them. "Fell down the stairs," muttered Scripps, staring down at the floor, unable to catch his teacher's concerned eye. Irwin wolf-whistled slowly. "Some fucking stairs you've got there mate,".  
He turned to Scripps, and, with a more serious tone, exclaimed "Seriously, Donald. Stairs don't do that to a person. What happened?". Tears began to swell in Scripps' eyes. In front of Irwin, bloody Irwin, the last person in the world he wanted to talk to about it, the floodgates opened and he told him everything. About his tattoo. About him and David. About the conversion therapy his parents wanted. About the way his Dad had beaten him within an inch of his life. And the entire time, Irwin sat in a dumbfounded silence as his pupil's barriers fell away. "Jesus Christ, Scripps. That situation is going to get you killed." he croaked. "Is there anyone at all who would take you in?"  
Scripps sat in silence for a few seconds. "My sister. Perhaps"


	6. I call sisters in order to be wanted

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Irwin helps Scripps to move into a safer environment

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> bruised  
> bloodied  
> lying here   
> feeling it -   
> the exquisite pain  
> of being done  
> of having only just begun  
> \- Vicki Rivard

The moment Don's teacher called Debbie's phone, the horror struck her. Surely they would've called their parents if something was seriously wrong? Her mind filled with ideas of panic and worry as the concerned voice crackled down the line. "Miss Scripps? I'm Donald's teacher, I'm afraid I need to talk to you rather urgently. Can you meet us in the canteen of the Sheffield General Hospital in 15 minutes please?"  
Her voice shivered slightly as she answered "I can do five if you want? I'm a nurse here, I didn't know Donald had been admitted,". It was hard to disguise the edge of fear in her voice. "May I ask why you haven't called our parents?"  
A sigh was huffed into the staff landline. "I'm afraid that's the problem, Miss Scripps, which I'd like to discuss at some length with you and Donald, if that's ok?"  
She nodded, even though she was aware he couldn't see. "Yes, that's fine. I'll just tell my shift supervisor, and I'll be down in a sec,". She hung up and rushed over to the Matron, babbling furiously, until she placed her firm hands on her shoulders. "Debbie, what's wrong?". Gasping for breath, Debbie panted out a short explanation. "My brother's just been admitted, with his teacher, and they can't call my parents for some reason, and they need to meet me urgently, and..and.." She trailed off as the Matron patted her on the back and nodded. "Alright. Go and meet them. I'll put it down as a family emergency,"

Debbie entered the canteen, spotting her brother sitting across from a gangly, tall man wearing baggy, ill-fitting clothes. She rushed over, alarmed at the sight of her brother's arm in a sling. Only as she sat down did the reality of Don's injuries hit her. "Jesus Christ,". Her brother's face was a mass of blue, purple and green, his cheeks lacerated, his eyes swollen, his lips puffy and cut. His arm was potted and clearly fractured. Fresh stitches were displayed across his forehead. "Don, what happened?". Her brother turned his battered face away in shame, his eyes staring at his scuffed shoes. His teacher turned to her. "Miss Scripps, I'm Mr Irwin, Donald's History teacher. He walked into my class today severely injured, and I'm afraid I took matters into my own hands. I've only just managed to drag an explanation out of him. I'll let him continue,". Debbie butted in, her face a mask of bewilderment. "Why didn't you call our parents? When he was this injured?". Don let out a harsh bark of scornful laughter. "Oh, as if they'd bloody care," He shook his head, his shoulders shaking with contained bitterness. "Especially when they put me here,". Debbie gasped. "What? What the hell do you mean, they put you here?". But Don has turned his head away now, signalling at Irwin to carry on. Irwin stuttered slightly as he began. "Donald has had his soulmate's name imprinted on his shoulder for a few months now. Unfortunately, it was....". Scripps cut in as his teacher struggled to explain. "And it was a boy. David. I'd show you, but our lovely dad broke that arm for me, so I can't,". The bitterness and sarcasm oozed off his words. 

Debbie shook her head. "No," she said "No, they aren't like that. They wouldn't do that. Sure they're religious, but they wouldn't do that!" Irwin stared at her, bemused by her denial. "I think Donald might have some first-hand evidence against that."  
Debbie stared at him coldly. "And why, Mr Irwin, was it your imperative to call me?". Irwin shifted uncomfortably in his plastic seat. "Donald said that you were somewhat.... more open minded than your parents. About Don's.... dilemma.". Scripps arched a painfully stitched eyebrow, wincing slightly as he did so. "I assume you mean being gay, sir?"  
Irwin stammered again. "Well, yes, I wasn't sure if there was a way you wanted to put it..". Her brother smiled. "It's alright sir. Posner's helping me come to terms with it,". As soon as he said that, he clapped his hand over his mouth. "Shit, David said... shit again. He's going to kill me," Irwin turned his head to the side and smirked. "You aren't great at things like this are you Scripps? I'm assuming what you're telling me, albeit accidentally, is that you've found your soulmate, and it's Posner?"  
Don nodded, embarrassed.  
"Anyway, getting back on track with why you called me into this situation..." Debbie interrupted. "Oh yes," Irwin continued, "Miss Scripps, I think this is reason enough to believe that Donald is unsafe in his home. And given your open-mindedness, and apparently new flat, you might be able to accommodate him better than your parents can."  
Debbie sat silently. "If my parents are ok with it, I will. He's my brother." She looked at Donald. "And I'll still try get along and love them, Don. I'm disgusted by what they've done to you here. But I believe they can change their ways. And I'll stick by them until they do. Perhaps not the same as before I saw this, but still some love in there. Ok?" Don hesitates for a second. "Fine. But only you can try and get along with them. It's obvious they'd prefer to cut ties with me, and in all honesty, the feeling's reciprocated."

 

Debbie went back to their house that night to collect Scripps' stuff. She'd talked everything through with her parents. (No longer theirs. Don refused all contact after what they'd done). A unanimous agreement had been reached. Donald would move in with her. If he didn't receive a scholarship, they would put him through Oxford, then afterwards he would sort himself out. She was ok with everything that Don had discovered, including his soulmate and new sexuality. Her parents would have to accept her open-mindedness or risk losing both their children at once. And under no circumstances, was Don to return to her parents church, or tell any of the congregation that he was gay, for fear of shame staining the family name.

She pushed open the door to Don's refurbished room, and laughed as the pair jumped away from each other, as if they were repulsed. David was blushing furiously. "How many times do I have to remind you two? This is not the same as at the old house. You've been here three months, Don. And you, David, have no reason to be ashamed of any of your relationship with my brother. You are his soulmate, you are perfect for him, and as far as I'm concerned, you are part of my new, stitched together family."  
The blush spread further. "Thank you Debbie."

Debbie came in to check on them again later, and flashed her little brother a laughing smile. David lay on the bed next to him, clutching a handful of Don's school shirt to his face. "Late night?" she laughed at Don as Posner snored gently. "He forgot about an essay. Up till three." He flashed a weak smile. "Anyway," she continued. "Cup of tea?"  
He stared down at his sleeping partner. "He'll take it with two sugars, thanks". She giggled and slipped out the door as Donald planted a soft kiss on the tip of David's ear, causing him to snuffle in his sleep and snuggle closer to his (very sheepish) partner.


	7. Being Brave At Night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Scripps takes a word of Posner's advice at Oxford

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This piece takes place in Oxford, roughly a year or so after the entrance exams. It's basically two fast forwards from where the story was at last chapter, but I'll be carrying on the rest of the chapters from this chapter and time frame. Hope you enjoy!

December, 1984

The glistening snow brushed against the floor, uncertain whether to stay or melt. Tiny white particles fluttering against the darkness of the night. Scripps and Posner ambled along the streets of Oxford, their faces illuminated by the yellow street lamps. "So, how is the scholar over in English Literature?" Scripps asked, with a dry smile. David rolled his eyes and flung a hand across his heart. "Scrippsy, your sarcastic tone wounds me!". Scripps chuckled and raised an amused eyebrow at his partner's flamboyance. "It's going fine, thank you very much. But the work is very hard, and the teachers didn't seem to like my latest essay on Dickens melodrama. Can I have a kiss to make me feel better?" Scripps turned his head away and looked to the sky, his sigh visible in the frosty night air. "David....you know how I feel about that," David pouted petulantly. "Come on, love! Just a little peck?"  
"No!" Don huffed, marching on ahead. David's pattering footsteps ran behind him, panting as he caught up. "What are you so scared of? Why won't you do anything out in the open? Jesus Christ, Don, you're so far back in the bloody closet, I'm surprised you haven't hit Narnia yet!" Donald gave a scornful laugh, and stormed away, a furious look flashing through his eyes. David grabbed his sleeve and pulled him back. "Don, you aren't even out to the boys. You've been friends with them since you were six! For fuck's sake, we can't even go to your flat because you're so scared of Dakin noticing us! Why are you shamed of us, Don?" A hurt tone crept into his voice "Why are you ashamed of me?  
"I'm not ashamed of us, David. I just, well." Don started to hesitate as he scrambled for the right words. "Some people don't react well to people like us," He can't meet David's eyes, aware of the hurt that pools within them. "Oh, Don. Not every one is like your parents. You need to be bold," His tight grip pulled Scripps across the street, a devilish gleam replacing the hurt. "In fact," he whispered. "We could be bold right now," The street light bathes them in a golden glow, highlighting them clearly in the street. David's hands slipped around Scripps' neck and he kissed him. Don's world turned golden. Posner broke away, a dreamy look in his eyes as he took Don's face in his hands. "You should be brave more often. Courage suits you," he breathed, leaning in again

 

Oxford Graduation, 1987

The cheers rang out across the quad as throngs of students in black gowns waved their diplomas in the air. Everyone of the boys had done brilliantly - Akhtar, Lockwood, Crowther, Timms and Rudge with Seconds, Dakin, Posner Firsts, and even (a rather unexpected) first for Scripps. The world was aglow with beaming smiles and crows of pride. Scripps and Posner snuck loving smiles at each other from a few seats away throughout the droning, monotone speeches.  
As soon as the crowds broke away into smaller, separate group, Scripps was running to the Cutler's boys, all yelling and jostling. He ignored their pats on the back and ran straight to Posner in the middle of the circle, picking him up by the waist and spinning him round before planting a passionate kiss on his lips. He put him down, and turned, laughing at the shocked faces of his old friends. Posner had his face buried into Scripps' shoulder, his arms wrapped tightly around his stocky waist. Scripps smiled down at him adoringly before looking up and exclaiming "Boys, I think there might be something we need to tell you". It was Lockwood who spoke first. "No shit, Sherlock."

The boys sat round the table, hands wrapped around pints as they shook their heads in surprise. "And how long has this been going on for?" Crowther asked, confused. Scripps smiled sheepishly. "About.... four years?" Timms emitted a strangled noise. "Sorry, you've known that you were each other's soulmates for four years, and you didn't tell us?!"  
Scripps was relieved when Posner spoke up. "Donald was afraid of how you would react. His parents weren't exactly appreciative when they found out,"  
"Is that why you moved in with your sister? And all those secret chats with Irwin?" Lockwood drawled, lazily. Scripps nodded. "Irwin figured out something was happening when he had to take me to the hospital that time. He was worried for my safety, so he moved me in with Debbie,"  
Dakin sat up, shocked. "Was it your dad that broke your arm in Sixth Form?" Scripps felt a lump rise in his throat as he recalled the memories, looking helplessly at his partner. Posner interpreted his look almost immediately. "Yes, he caught us together,". He looked round at the rest of the Cutler's boys. "You lot are strangely silent."  
Lockwood raised a bemused eyebrow. "It's not everyday you find out that your most godly mate is a flaming bender," Rudge nodded in agreement. "Posner and Dakin, that was expected, but Scripps being a screaming poofter? That's new"  
Dakin let out a horrified cry as Scripps burst out laughing. "What do you mean, it was expected? I'm not gay!"  
Akhtar sniggered. Posner turned away. Scripps stared at his feet. Timms slammed his head against the table. Rudge and Lockwood were shaking with contained laughter. Finally Crowther spoke up. "Jesus, Dakin, you've been going out with Irwin for months. You have about as much subtlety as Posner when acting."  
Posner smacked Scripps on the shoulder as he guffawed loudly. "I was an excellent Juliet!" he sniffed. "Not when Dakin was Romeo. You were the lustiest Juliet I've ever seen." Scripps scoffed. "I could be offended about how long you loved him compared to me!"  
Posner shook his head and leaned on Scripps shoulder as the banter resumed, the boys shouting, congratulating and teasing each other with the same underlying themes of brotherly love.


	8. Two Weddings and a funeral

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Posner and Scripps face the adversities in other people's joys

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We kissed and I was glad,  
> At everything you did,  
> Indifferent to those  
> Who sat with hostile eyes  
> \- W.H Auden  
> Gay marriage was legalised in the Netherlands in 2001, so I'm writing as if Irwin/Dakin eloped, but are holding a reception in Britain because Dakin is a smug little shit who would never allow such a big thing go uncelebrated.

1990

"Come on Don, you've got to come!" his sister's voice pleaded down the phone. "Debs, I can't. I'll ruin it, Mum and Dad will make a scene, you know they will. And you know how I feel about leaving David at the moment,". His voice dropped on the last sentence, so Posner wouldn't hear from the kitchen. His fragile mental state had been slowly declining since the death of his father. "I know." Debbie answered. "I'll keep them away from you two. You know they wouldn't want to mess up my perfect day. Mum's been planning this since the moment I entered the world,"  
"Just let me discuss it with David. I'll get back to you,"  
David popped his head through the kitchen hatch. "You mentioned my name?". Scripps smiled. "It's Debbie's wedding next month and she wants us to come. But my parents are going to be there, and I don't want to come if it's going to ruin her day by making a scene,"  
David sucked in his breath. "It might ruin her day if you aren't there, Don. You owe it to her, after all she's done for you. And Josh is lovely, you know we'd enjoy it,".  
After hours of grumbling and indecisiveness, Debbie's cheering echoed down the line when Don called her with a begrudged yes. 

They entered the chapel 20 minutes before the ceremony was due to start, Scripps stiffening as he saw his parents three rows ahead. Posner slipped his hand through Donald's, pressing his mouth to Scripps ear. "It's going to be ok. Just ignore them. Focus on Debbie,"  
Debbie herself took the boy's breath away. Her ivory silk gown trailed along the church floor, the lights causing the silver threads to glisten and gleam as she walked. Her golden hair cascaded down her back, rippling in the sunlight. She looked pristine. Beautiful. Flawless. Her soulmate's eyes reflected the love that could be seen in hers, and they gazed in adoration at each other throughout the entire ceremony. Scripps spent the entire time choked with emotion. Posner leant over and whispered to him. "Are you ok, love?". Scripps couldn't bring himself to answer. After everything she had done for him, for her patients, for everybody she had ever met, no one deserved this more than Debbie Scripps. 

Debbie dragged Posner away from the table before he even had the chance to protest. "Come on, David, you're the only one who can actually dance here!" she laughed as she pulled him into the dance floor. "I'm flattered," Josh smirked as he stood next to Donald, watching his soulmate slow-dance with Don's. Donald looked at him sternly. "You know what I have to do Josh.". Josh nodded, grinning. "Donald, you're five years younger than me,". Scripps frowned. "Look after her. She's been through a lot, and she's done a lot. She's done so much for me these past five years. I don't want to see her hurt, ok?". "Ok," he answered. "I understand,". 

Scripps felt Posner's hand tighten around his the moment his mother approached them. The tone in which she spoke was cold and sharp. "Donald,"  
"Mother,"  
"And this is?"  
Posner spoke up "David. David Posner,"  
"Right. I assume that Donald is still continuing this sinful lifestyle, then,"  
Scripps gritted his teeth. "Yes, mother. I've been with David for five years now,"  
"I just wanted to let you know that your father and I are disappointed that you haven't spoken to us in so long. What happened to 'Blood is thicker than water', Donald?"  
"You and Dad lost the right to talk to me when you put me in hospital, Mother. Not to mention the fact you disowned that blood the moment I was lying on the floor with 4 broken bones and a boy's name tattooed on my arm. I thought the feeling was reciprocated," Posner placed his hand on Scripps shoulder. He murmured quietly. "Calm down. She's just antagonising you,"  
His mother resumed her conversation. "Donald, we want what is best for you, and that is to be away from this influence of filth. No matter how long you've thought so, you are not homosexual,"  
He cut in, physically shaking in anger. "What's best for me is to be away from you, and what you did to me five years ago. David is what's best for me."  
Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Debbie marching over. She placed her hands on her mother's shoulders, leading her away from her visibly upset brother. David pulled him into a dark corner, placing his hands on his arms to hold him close. The tears flowed down Scripps' face. Posner wiped the tears away, hugging him. "It's ok. It's ok. Everything is fine. I love you,". Scripps began to breathe deeply. "I'm sorry that happened in front of you, love".  
"Donald, I don't care. I just need to know that you're ok,".  
"I'm fine. Fine, fine, fine. Over it. Over her,"  
Debbie walks over, wrapping her little brother in a giant bear hug. "Oh God, Don, I'm so sorry. I got distracted, I didn't realise she would try and talk to you. Are you ok? What did she do?"  
"I'm fine. She insulted David, and she questioned my life choices. It just shook me up a bit. I've let my walls down since I last lived with them," Scripps voice was still choked with emotion.  
"Take a second. Calm down. Don't let her get to you,"

When they come back out, Posner kisses him on the lips, dragging him closer, savouring his warmth. Donald pulled away. "David, my parents!". David grinned cheekily. "If they've hurt you tonight, you hurt them. Do exactly what they hate,". Don turned to see his parents with dark looks cast across their faces, furious at this display of love in front of all their conservative friends. "All right then. Let's see what we can do."  
He spotted his sister break out in a delighted, rebellious smile as he lifted Posner, spun him around and wrapped his arms round his waist, pulling him into a passion-fuelled, gasping kiss.

Debbie opened her mouth and awwed as she saw her brother sitting on the floor at the side, legs crossed, as Posner curled up beside him, head resting on his shoulder.  
"Is he asleep?" she cooed, eyes sparkling. Scripps nodded, arm wrapped tightly round Posner''s spindly waist. He pressed a soft kiss into his golden hair. "You two better get married the moment it's legal. I want dibs on who's calling mum to tell her," Debbie laughed. "You two are adorable,"  
Scripps held his soulmate close, ignoring the staring eyes around them. His heart swelled with love. He just wanted to pull him closer and closer, never letting him go. He whispered into his hair.  
"I love you, David Posner,"  
1991  
Bitter winds blew the tears off Scripps cheeks. Beside him, the other Cutler's boys stood solemnly, eyes red with the contained grief. A coffin stood in front of them.. James Lockwood's face grinned cheekily out of the photo by it's side. This was worse than Hector's. Worse than Posner's dad's. Worse than anything he had done before. Posner stood stiffly, face buried in Donald's shoulder, his own shoulders shaking slightly. His black-gloved hand was wrapped in Scripps, squeezing it tightly Mrs Lockwood sat at the front, sobbing into a saturated handkerchief, her tiny frame wracked with sobs. Friendly fucking fire. All for a stupid college education. And a fat lot of good Cambridge did Lockwood, because now he lay dead in front of them, his life frozen in time. Anger and sadness tore at Scripps' soul as he walked up to touch the cheap wood that held his friends. 28 forever. He muttered quietly, unbridled tears running down his face.  
"England, you've been here too long, and the songs you sing are the songs you sung on a braver day..... now they are wrong."  
Never such innocence, not before or since, in James Lockwood and his friends. Gone.  
2001  
"It was a good idea to hold a reception, so you could properly celebrate," Scripps said, turning to see Irwin. He was careful not to shift Posner, who was draped lazily on his lap, arms wrapped round Scripps neck as he rested on his lap. "Talking of marriage, where exactly is your new husband?"  
Irwin gave a lopsided half-grin, signalling to the moving mass on the dance floor. "Probably in there somewhere. And I don't know if you can officially call him my husband. Neither of us are Dutch, it might not be valid."  
Trust Dakin to flirt with everyone but the person he had just married. At least, that was what Scripps assumed he was doing. He was probably right, knowing Dakin. "Good luck, even if you are his soulmate, that's a hard person to make settle down," Scripps said. Irwin nodded in a mutual agreement. "I'm surprised we settled down before you two did. No offence, but you two are really the domestic type," Scripps nodded thoughtfully. "We haven't really talked about it much," he said, turning to look at his boyfriend who was fiddling with his tie, a look of mild boredom on his face. "What do you think, Pos? Should we settle down?". David tilted his head to the side and bit his lip. "I don't know Scrippsy. Perhaps when I'm not....am I drunk?"  
Scripps made a hand signal. "A little bit, love. I've seen worse,"  
Dakin broke away from the crowd, and made his way over to the threesome at the side. He slipped his arm round Irwin's shoulders as he sat down. "Is Posner drunk?" he questioned, cocking a delighted eyebrow. Posner yelped. "I'm not! Scrippsy says I'm not!". "What were you talking about?". Irwin yawned. "How it's these two's turn next"  
Posner smiled happily. "Perhaps,". He planted a wet splodge of a kiss on Scripps nose. Scripps laughed. "That's not how you do it,". Dakin and Irwin slipped away as Scripps cupped Posner's chin and pulled him in for a kiss.


	9. Dear Future Husband

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Despite Posner's surprising tendency for making the first move, Scripps takes a leap towards the horizon

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's nothing I could ever say  
> And nothing I could do  
> To let you know just how much  
> Love is in my heart for you  
> \- Denese Boyett

November 2004

It was late as they sauntered along the streets of Oxford, the yellow street lamps illuminating them as they had done 20 years before. No snow fluttered against the darkness as it once had, instead the only contrast being the sharp stars suspended in the sky. Their breath hung frozen into the air, puffs of dragon smoke lingering around the duo. Posner leant his head against Scripps' shoulder as they walked along the abandoned streets, beaming as Scripps slipped his arm through Posner's. "Not ashamed of me anymore, Scrippsy?"  
Scripps looked down at his companion. "I was never ashamed. Jut scared," he murmured, tucking a strand of Posner's hair behind his ear. "But now I see there was nothing to be scared of,"  
Posner gave a flattered, if not bashful, smile. "In fact," Scripps continued, taking Posner's gloved hand in his, "I think this is the exact place I realised,". He pulled Posner beneath the street light.  
"20 years ago, you told me that I needed to be more brave. So just for you, I'm about to do the bravest thing I've ever done. David, for 22 brilliant years, you have filled every corner of my life with love and light. You've shown me the world in a whole new way. You've taken me from hell and given me heaven. And for that, I love you more than I've loved anything before. " He dropped to one knee, proffering a box. "David Posner, would you do me the honour of becoming my husband?". Posner stood stock still, his eyes filling with tears. He put both hands over his mouth and sank to his knees, nodding frantically as Scripps threw his arms around him. "But how will we do it?" he gasped, his face flooding with tears. "With me being Jewish and you...?"  
Scripps shook his head, and cupped Posner's chin. "I looked it all up. I've been planning for months. We get a civil partnership, and there's no religion involved,". Posner dissolved into tears again, overwhelmed by his partner's thoughtfulness, and the display of love he had just been given. "And anyway," Scripps breathed into Posner's hair, as he clutched him to his chest. "Love is my religion. And I would die for it,". He grasped Posner's shaking shoulders and pulled him close, pressing a soft kiss to his slightly parted lips.

The ceremony took place in a cramped registry office a month later. The five other boys turned up, boisterous and loud as ever, delighted at the prospect of, as Timms so elegantly put it, 'those poofters finally getting round to it'. Debbie stood excitedly at the side, waving a video camera so she could show the entire thing to Don's parents, something she had been looking forward to the moment they had gotten engaged. She was there for both the boys, Scripps parent's still unable to accept his and David's relationship, and Posner's father having died, his only remaining parent unable to remember who he or Donald was. Scripps couldn't help but smile as Posner walked up the aisle towards him, his eyes filling with adoration. He stood nervously in front of his fiancé, tugging nervously at the sleeves of his suit. After what felt like an age of talking from the registrar, it was finally time for the vows.  
Posner delivered a beautiful reflection of him and Scripps' life, and what he hoped for their future. Scripps pulled out his notes and stared down at them. The words jumbled and danced across the page, meaning nothing of what he truly felt. He tucked them back into his pocket. His welled with tears as he stared into his soulmate's melted chocolate eyes.  
"I love you, David Posner,"  
The boys whooped and cheered as David laughed and pulled him in for a kiss. Donald's soul was bursting with love and happiness. But the kiss was marred as they pulled away, David's eyes filled with emotion. Because now there was a reason other than love for why this had taken place, and with hands clasped in his partners, Don began to accept how little time they had left.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The quote Scripps says during the proposal, 'Love is my religion. And I would die for it' is by Lord Byron. It is one of my favourite poets, and quotes.


	10. Bye Bye Blackbird

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Scripps says goodbye to Posner

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> He disappeared in the dead of winter:  
> The brooks were frozen, the airports almost deserted,  
> And snow disfigured the public statues;  
> The mercury sank in the mouth of the dying day.  
> What instruments we have agree  
> The day of his death was a dark cold day.  
> Far from his illness  
> The wolves ran on through the evergreen forests,  
> The peasant river was untempted by the fashionable quays;  
> By mourning tongues  
> The death of the poet was kept from his poems.  
> But for him it was his last afternoon as himself,  
> An afternoon of nurses and rumours;  
> The provinces of his body revolted,  
> The squares of his mind were empty,  
> Silence invaded the suburbs,  
> The current of his feeling failed; he became his admirers  
> \- W.H Auden, In memory of W.B Yeats

Scripps finished, and gave a sad smile in return to the wistful look that stretched across his soulmate's colourless face.  
"What happened next? After the wedding?" Posner asked drowsily.  
"A nasty lump inside your head made you very ill, and it made you angry and sad and forgetful. Which is why we've been telling each other what we remember," Don replied, his eyelids prickling slightly.  
"I remember..." David started, looking momentarily confused. "I remember asking Irwin if he ever looked back on his life once. He said everybody did at some point,"  
Scripps nodded thoughtfully before answering. "Probably not as soon as this though,"  
"Don?" David began hesitantly.  
"Yes, love?"  
"Did I ruin your life? Because of you and your parents?"  
Posner's soul-searching eyes were wide on his gaunt, pallid face.  
Don shook his head. "No, love. You taught me to be brave. You taught me that when someone breaks you down, someone else builds you into a better person. You taught me how to truly love. And I would rather spend my entire life with you than have spent it with my parents,"  
"I'm sorry," David whispered quietly. "I'm sorry you didn't get to spend the rest of your life with me,"  
A lump grew inside Don's throat, constricting his breath and causing his eyes to become wet with sorrow. "I spent six amazing months married to you. And I spent 22 amazing years hopelessly in love with you. And if that wasn't the best thing I've ever done, nothing ever will be,"  
"I don't want to go,"  
David turned his head to the side to cover the emotion in his eyes.  
"I know love. No one does. Lockwood didn't, and you don't now, either. But the world is cruel, dear, and we'll all go eventually. Some earlier than others,"  
"I want to spend more time with you,"  
Don bent down and kissed David on the top of his translucent, white forehead.  
"If I loved you at 18, I love you now even more. It doesn't matter how long we spent together,"  
Inside Don's head, he knows it isn't true. Every inch of his body screams that he wants it all to stop, for him and Posner to just go home and spent the rest of their lives together.  
A faint smile flickered across David's face. He started to sing, his once melodic voice weak and trembling.  
"Wish me luck as you wave me goodbye,"  
To Scripps, it sounded like the most beautiful voice he had ever heard. He sang gently back,  
"Cheerio, here I go on my way,"

David's hand went limp in his. He died with a smile on his face, just 37. Too young for Scripps. Not too young for the cancer that stole his final, gasping breaths. Not too young for the love that would reign eternal in Donald Scripps' heart.  
He kissed David's cold, pale lip one last time, a solitary tear leaving a trail of misery down his cheek. David Posner's last touch still tingled on his skin, where his skinny finger had traced the pure black words on Don's shoulder.  
Those words of eternal love.


End file.
